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Decent Exposure

19 Jun

Over the past two years I’ve seen a lot of my son’s penis.

I’d have to say that aside from my own, there’s no one penis I’ve seen more of.

And I’ve been on Chat Roulette.

It’s one of the many sneaky and unavoidable realities of parenthood that you are going to see a lot of naked baby. Unless you master the art of the blindfolded diaper change – which I would not advise – you have to come to terms pretty quickly the the fact that your child has genitals and, for the first few years of his/her life, you are in charge of them.

In fact, when you have a boy, one of the first decisions you have to make has to do with your son’s pubis: to circumsize or not to circumsize. That is the question.

In anticipation of my son being born I didn’t spend a ton of time considering the issue, but I did give it some thought, most of which came down to two things: 1) the health issues that circumcision is meant to circumvent are considered by many to no longer be much of a deal, and easily avoidable via common sense and good hygiene, and 2) the procedure greatly reduces the amount of sensation the circumcisee would experience later in life (if you know what I mean).

(You can check WebMD here for a quick snapshot. But don’t worry, there are no actual snapshots.)

Yes, this is a real thing.

I know the Other Parent contingent can be quite aggressive on this issue – browse a few websites and it’s not long before someone compares circumcision to torture and throws a video of the surgery in your face – but it’s not exactly cut and dried, and there are points to be made for either side. In the end, it’s a personal decision, and I felt the benefits outweighed the cons. At the very least I’ll save him a few minutes in the shower every day.

In a broader, let’s-stop-talking-so-much-about-baby-penis kind of way, circumcision is parenting in a nutshell (no pun intended). It’s merely the first in a long line of similar choices you have to make as a parent, out of regard for your child’s well-being.

Being a parent is a constant, daily struggle to decide when to sacrifice a little of your child’s happiness in order to preserve and protect his health. Maybe you won’t let him buy a motorcycle, or play football, or see Internal Affairs just because there’s a fingerbang scene and it might warp his little mind (I’ve finally seen it, Mom and Dad! So ha!).

It’s never fun to deprive your child of something, but tough choices have to be made. Maybe you’ll tell him it’s for his own good, maybe he’ll throw a fit, maybe you’ll feel like your father; you have to grit your teeth and trust you’re doing the right thing.

On the plus side, re: circumcision, at least when he’s a baby he can’t put up much of a fight! You could give him a nose job in the maternity ward and he’d be none the wiser.

“Flirting With Disaster”: One of the most underrated comedies of all time.

I kid, of course. But I certainly don’t remember being tortured, nor do I feel like I’ve been deprived of anything (not that I could ever know the difference). Maybe when he’s older my son will feel differently, but I did what I thought was right and I don’t think anyone could argue that I’ve harmed him – though I’m sure after this post I’ll get my share of comments suggesting I have.

So be it. At the end of the day, I’m a firm believer that a son’s penis should look like his father’s.

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35 Responses to “Decent Exposure”

  1. Anonymous June 19, 2012 at 8:48 pm #

    You are the worst person.

    • Vanillagorilla March 2, 2013 at 1:07 pm #

      Uncircumcised men are far more likely to have a venereal disease and transmit it to their partner. Most men who died of AIDS in the first wave of the plague were uncircumcised or had an uncircumcised partner. Less crucially, but then again of the essence, circumcised men can get a spontaneous blow-job with without running to the bathroom to was their smelly smegmatic penis. The uncut crowd shares their opinions so freely, but most on the cut side hold their fire. The unvarnished truth is that we don’t want our sons to have dirty pathogenic penises.

  2. wildwahinepaddler June 19, 2012 at 8:49 pm #

    Did you ever consider that you took that decision away from your son….and he might definitely feel differently about it when he is older and discovers his foreskin was normal and had functional benefits for him? And then, oh yeah, you can’t take back your decision….oh too bad son….I was doing it for your own good. I really wonder how that will go….especially since girls have been protected from genital cutting for quite a few years now and all boys born after the law went into effect, will have grounds to sue doctors, hospitals, and yes, even parents! But you have a few years of ignorant bliss before this happens, so well, try to enjoy them. Genital cutting is a human rights violation, His Body = His choice….and at the end of the day, his choice to sue too. Good luck with that!

  3. Jora June 19, 2012 at 8:51 pm #

    A few minutes in the shower? Try a few seconds. There is more connecting you and your son then just penises, well I hope anyway. I mean 23 chromosomes, behavioral characteristics, hair, eyes, mouth, body structure etc. But to merely just focus on your son’s gentials (which are not yours) in having them look like yours is minute in considering how much you arleady share. In fact he had a foreskin because your DNA told his body to have one. By the way, WebMD is a joke, no medical organization recommends routine infant circumcision. Good luck with everything else, I hope you and your have a wonderful relationship.

  4. Ban Circumcision (@BanCirc) June 19, 2012 at 8:52 pm #

    A son’s penis should look like his father’s? Good luck on that one. What? Shorter and hairy? Scarred and withered? Mutilated and desensitized? Truly sad that people like you think that abusing a new born baby has anything to do with common parental choices we make for our children’s well being.

    • Dad and Buried June 19, 2012 at 10:39 pm #

      Mine is totally, completely hairless, so that will make things at least little bit easier for him.

      • Burgertime June 21, 2012 at 12:39 pm #

        And smaller in this case.

  5. Anonymous June 19, 2012 at 8:57 pm #

    if that is the case then surely this person does not end with circumcision. In order to look like his father’s, there has to be more cosmetic surgery involved. Depriving your son of the same thing the father is deprived of does not make him LOOK like his father. It merely means they both are missing part of their penis. And this person obviously does not understand what a “personal” choice is because this is not a personal choice for the parents, it is a PARENTAL choice. A personal choice would be the owner of the penis is the one making the decision. This person is clearly not very bright

  6. Deborah B June 19, 2012 at 9:28 pm #

    Why do parents who throw out the “it’s a personal decision” card not realize how hypocritical that statement is. YES it’s a personal decision, but your child’s penis doesn’t PERSONALLY belong to you.

    • Dad and Buried June 19, 2012 at 10:40 pm #

      Actually, it does. Until he’s 18, I own him AND his genitals. FACT. This is America.

      • Anonymous June 19, 2012 at 11:37 pm #

        You’re sick. You do not OWN your Son. He is NOT your property. Ew. Ew ew ew. He’s his own person. Circumcision is one of those things that isn’t necessary or even that important to make a decision on for someone. I understand every parent has to decide whether to vaccinate, where to send their child to school, but no one NEEDS to decide to remove an infant’s foreskin.

        It sounds like you just wanted him cut to validate your feelings regarding your own penis. Mine’s cut, surely it must be just fine though, so I’ll do it to him. If mine is cut his will be too, dammit. No Son of mine will have a better dick than me! My Husband wanted to cut our Son’s penis up for much the same reasons, but I told him no, and I stood by it. I’m pretty sure I’d rather my Son make his own decisions regarding his penis unless a medical emergency arises, which is extremely unlikely.

      • Deborah B June 20, 2012 at 12:28 am #

        Man you’re a douche. Children aren’t property. I feel sorry for your son:(

  7. Anonymous June 19, 2012 at 11:21 pm #

    You’re the biggest fucking idiot I’ve ever read.

    If circumcision is no longer done for health reasons how can it be a “parent’s decision”? If you KNOW it hurts his sexual enjoyment, how can it be the right of the parent?
    If you KNOW he might be terribly upset that you cut off part of his penis when he’s older, HOW THE HELL CAN YOU JUSTIFY DOING THIS?
    How can it ever be the ‘right thing’?
    You’re crazy.

  8. concerned cynic June 20, 2012 at 12:11 am #

    My penis does not look like that of my late father (which I saw many times every summer in changing rooms), because mine has all the factory installed moving parts, while his did not. We never talked about this, and that’s for the better, because sexual sophistication and wisdom were not among my late father’s virtues.
    For a long time, I felt very self-conscious about not having the American standard Dick, but am now greatly relived that I have the Dick that Mother Nature wants me to have. That is thanks to my mother, who threatened to divorce my father if he and his mother did not STFU about getting me circumcised in infancy.
    You will indeed never know what you are missing. But that is not a reason for you to conclude that there is nothing to be missed, but rather a reason for leaving the decision up to your son’s adult self. And there is a class of humans who definitely know what they are missing out on: straight women who’ve been bareback with both styles of Dick, and have concluded they prefer the one with all the moving parts. There are such women, and some use the net to make their opinion known. I happen to admire their courage.

  9. Anonymous June 20, 2012 at 12:46 am #

    So, rather than come to terms with the fact that your penis is lacking something, you chose to alter your son’s genitals so the uncomfortable reality of what you’re missing isn’t staring you in the face during every diaper change. You knew there are really no health benefits. You knew it reduces sensitivity. You also knew your son may grow up to resent the fact that this decision was made for him. Still, you did it anyway based on your own insecurity. You did not do what you thought was best for your son; you did what was best for *you*. I’m glad my husband is a better father than that. He is cut and “fine.” However, his goal as a father is not to settle for mediocrity, but rather, to give our son the best of everything.

    • Anonymous June 20, 2012 at 10:16 am #

      I hope the courage of all those women make you feel better about your little dick.

    • Vanillagorilla March 2, 2013 at 1:05 pm #

      Uncircumcised men are far more likely to have a venereal disease and transmit it to their partner. Most men who died of AIDS in the first wave of the plague were uncircumcised or had an uncircumcised partner. Less crucially, but then again of the essence, circumcised men can get a spontaneous blow-job with without running to the bathroom to was their smelly smegmatic penis. The uncut crowd shares their opinions so freely, but most on the cut side hold their fire. The unvarnished truth is that we don’t want our sons to have dirty pathogenic penises.

    • Vanillagorilla March 2, 2013 at 1:13 pm #

      Also want to mention what your UC son is lacking: protection from late-life penile cancer that afflicts up to 1 in 1000 men, and virtually no circumcised men. Live with that.

  10. kinae June 20, 2012 at 1:03 am #

    So, tell me, Does his penis look like yours? I doubt it. They are ALL different!
    It will never ‘look’ the same as yours. IDIOT!

  11. kinae June 20, 2012 at 1:04 am #

    If you had a tattoo it would be illegal to give your son the same tattoo in order to ‘look like you’…

    • Dad and Buried June 20, 2012 at 10:10 am #

      For your information, my son already HAS a tattoo, of Elmo, and he LOVES it.

  12. Sarah June 20, 2012 at 1:56 am #

    You are a pretty big dipshit. Do you hope your son gets that from you as well?

    • Dad and Buried June 20, 2012 at 10:28 am #

      If the procedure works out, he’ll be a slightly smaller one.

  13. April June 20, 2012 at 2:50 am #

    Yeah, I’m really glad they made my vagina look like my mom’s. Oh wait…
    I don’t agree with your decision. It’s selfish. I’m glad he seems okay, but you risked his life to make him look like you. Complications due to circumcision kill over a hundred boys a year in the US alone. I hope you make better choices as he grows up.

  14. Reiny June 20, 2012 at 3:02 am #

    I won’t curse at you or call you a vulgar name. I just want to know why you would take the risk of your baby dieing? Why would you want to decrease his sex life? Why does is matter if you guys have a matching set, I doubt you will be comparing them in 10 years.

    • Dad and Buried June 20, 2012 at 10:15 am #

      If you don’t think I’ll be checking in on my son’s penis to see how closely it resembles mine as he gets older, then you don’t know me at all.

      • Reiny June 20, 2012 at 11:21 am #

        You can joke and laugh at all off the comments, but you do not answer the more serious subjects such as dying and sexual insensitivity. Did you actually give it any thought? Did you actually do any research? Why would you create pain so early in life and take away part of his pleasure during his sexual years.

  15. Dad and Buried June 20, 2012 at 12:00 pm #

    I’m sorry, Reiny, thank you for reminding me to take my son’s well-being into consideration. Appreciate the heads up.

    Yes, I did research. And there is no evidence that circumcision hinders sexual pleasure (In January 2007, the American Academy of Family Physicians (AAFP) stated “No valid evidence to date, however, supports the notion that being circumcised affects sexual sensation or satisfaction.”), and there IS evidence that it can help prevent various diseases. No, it may not be necessary, but it’s not without its merits, and it’s nowhere near as cut-and-dried as you pretend. The anti-circumcision cabal would be better to at least admit to the validity of some of the counter-claims, or you risk coming off like shrieking fanatics.

    The fact is my son did NOT die, thanks. (FYI: Although deaths have been reported, the American Academy of Family Physicians states that death is rare, and cites an estimated death rate of 1 infant in 500,000 from circumcision.[47] The penis is thought to be lost in 1 in 1,000,000 circumcisions.). And I have plenty of fun with sex, without my foreskin. I trust my son will enjoy it as well.

    As for psychological complications, I myself neither recall my own surgery not put any stock in any embedded psychological ramificiations. My son will have plenty of neuroses that are both my fault and not my fault, I’m not worried about him hating me or suing me or etc. because of something I did to him, using my best judgment and for his own good, when he was days old. If any of those things happens, I’l deal with them when the time comes. But again, I appreciate your concern.

    Thanks for commenting.

    • John August 9, 2012 at 11:38 am #

      There are studies that prove both sides point on that. What does that tell you about medical studies? I’ll help you out as you don’t appear to be that bright. It tells you that you frame the question, you can control the answer. The study you refer to was paid for by a pro-circumcision entity.

      And as for no loss of sensitivity. I was cut at birth, and am currently restoring my foreskin. My glans are now covered most of the time by my regrown skin and I’ve found that I don’t have to screw like a jackhammer anymore to feel something. Making love to my wife is just that.

      Stop hiding behind your humor and realize what you did. You made a decision for your that wasn’t yours to make.

      • Vanillagorilla March 2, 2013 at 1:04 pm #

        Uncircumcised men are far more likely to have a venereal disease and transmit it to their partner. Most men who died of AIDS in the first wave of the plague were uncircumcised or had an uncircumcised partner. Less crucially, but then again of the essence, circumcised men can get a spontaneous blow-job with without running to the bathroom to was their smelly smegmatic penis. The uncut crowd shares their opinions so freely, but most on the cut side hold their fire. The unvarnished truth is that we don’t want our sons to have dirty pathogenic penises.

  16. Andrew July 3, 2012 at 4:17 pm #

    This one really brought out the trolls – well done!

  17. CHS July 13, 2012 at 10:49 am #

    In my own sex life, I have generally found circumcised men to be, if anything, more sexually sensitive than uncircumcised men. I am also gratified to know that they are less likely to give me sexually transmitted diseases. It is certainly a valid choice. I respect your willingness to discuss it despite the intolerant comments that you have received.

  18. GermanJew July 22, 2012 at 7:26 am #

    I can’t believe I just read this. You acknowledge that there are no clear, convincing medical reasons for circumcision but you still decide to cut of a part of your sons body anybody. Wow.

    I hope you know that circumcision is not practiced in other parts of the world apart from the US and among Jews and Muslims.

  19. milkmaidmom August 2, 2012 at 6:54 pm #

    WOW! Some of these folks were really bringing the heat!
    To which I would like to share this:
    http://www.circinfo.com/benefits/bmc.html

    Good job on keeping your sense of humor over all this, I was cracking up over the “slightly smaller” response.

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