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You Be Villain

20 Mar

My son is out to get me. And I’m not just talking about the time he ordered a Big Mac at KFC.

As a kid, you have a tendency to see the adults in your life as the bad guys, especially when you’re a teenager. When you become a parent, it’s obvious that it’s the children that are the problem; dastardly little beasts who materialize in the middle of your already-in-progress life and proceed to wreak havoc.

Maybe one day my son will write a blog about how I’m the Big Bad in his life, but in my version of the story, I’m the superhero and he’s my nemesis.

In fact, there are a few famous villains from the pop culture rogues gallery that my kid has lately been bringing to mind.

In 5th grade I played a mustache-twirling villain in the school play, but I have nothing on my son. As he settles into his terrible twos, Detective Munch has been doing a far more convincing job playing the bad guy than I ever did. legion of doom, superheroes, bedhead, hair, toddlers, parenting, superman, braniac, batman, egghead

So I thought I’d lay out a quick list of the bad guys he brings to mind in the midst of a tantrum or when he’s refusing to eat his dinner.

Five Supervillains My Son Resembles

Egghead – maybe he’s more like Bedhead (see pic). Let’s scratch this one and start again.

Lex Luthor – hey, the kid used to be bald. Plus, he’s always trying to kill me

The Riddler – my son often dresses like a moron (though that may occasionally be my wife’s doing), and it usually takes me a few hours to just figure out what the hell he’s talking about. He’s a dead ringer for the Riddler.

The Opposite of Flash – not a real supervillain, I know, but I needed someone who was really slow or could stop time. All I could think of were Zack Morris and Evie from that horrible “Out of This World” show, and those won’t do. But my son has a magical ability to slow everything down. Trying to get a toddler to cooperate or get out the door can be like wading through molasses. So the Opposite of Flash it is!

The Joker – the kid’s always laughing maniacally, and I’m pretty sure he’s an anarchist

braniac, superman, supervillains, batman, lex luthor, comic books, justice league, legion of doom, james marsters, smallvilleBrainiac – just kidding, he’s pretty stupid. But he is good with computers.

Bonus: Wetface – if he were a Dick Tracy character, this would totally be my son’s name!

Do your kids remind you of any famous bad guys?

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One Response to “You Be Villain”

  1. alexandermaurizi March 21, 2013 at 12:41 pm #

    Hilarious post! My son used to remind me of the Jigsaw killer: instead of trying to kill me right away (that would be far too easy) he always hurt me when I least expected it. Wanna play a game?

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