You Be Villain

20 Mar

My son is out to get me. And I’m not just talking about the time he ordered a Big Mac at KFC.

As a kid, you have a tendency to see the adults in your life as the bad guys, especially when you’re a teenager. When you become a parent, it’s obvious that it’s the children that are the problem; dastardly little beasts who materialize in the middle of your already-in-progress life and proceed to wreak havoc.

Maybe one day my son will write a blog about how I’m the Big Bad in his life, but in my version of the story, I’m the superhero and he’s my nemesis.

In fact, there are a few famous villains from the pop culture rogues gallery that my kid has lately been bringing to mind.

In 5th grade I played a mustache-twirling villain in the school play, but I have nothing on my son. As he settles into his terrible twos, Detective Munch has been doing a far more convincing job playing the bad guy than I ever did. legion of doom, superheroes, bedhead, hair, toddlers, parenting, superman, braniac, batman, egghead

So I thought I’d lay out a quick list of the bad guys he brings to mind in the midst of a tantrum or when he’s refusing to eat his dinner.

Five Supervillains My Son Resembles

Egghead – maybe he’s more like Bedhead (see pic). Let’s scratch this one and start again.

Lex Luthor – hey, the kid used to be bald. Plus, he’s always trying to kill me

The Riddler – my son often dresses like a moron (though that may occasionally be my wife’s doing), and it usually takes me a few hours to just figure out what the hell he’s talking about. He’s a dead ringer for the Riddler.

The Opposite of Flash – not a real supervillain, I know, but I needed someone who was really slow or could stop time. All I could think of were Zack Morris and Evie from that horrible “Out of This World” show, and those won’t do. But my son has a magical ability to slow everything down. Trying to get a toddler to cooperate or get out the door can be like wading through molasses. So the Opposite of Flash it is!

The Joker – the kid’s always laughing maniacally, and I’m pretty sure he’s an anarchist

braniac, superman, supervillains, batman, lex luthor, comic books, justice league, legion of doom, james marsters, smallvilleBrainiac – just kidding, he’s pretty stupid. But he is good with computers.

Bonus: Wetface – if he were a Dick Tracy character, this would totally be my son’s name!

Do your kids remind you of any famous bad guys?


One Response to “You Be Villain”

  1. alexandermaurizi March 21, 2013 at 12:41 pm #

    Hilarious post! My son used to remind me of the Jigsaw killer: instead of trying to kill me right away (that would be far too easy) he always hurt me when I least expected it. Wanna play a game?

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