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Zombie Post: Little Did I Know

17 May zombie, walking dead, resurrection, monsters, horror, kids, parenting, funny, dads

I wrote the post I’ve resurrected below one year ago.

It’s a charming little trifle about my son’s increasingly bad behavior. Little did I know that what I thought, last May, was the onset of the terrible twos – though I even admit in the post that I might be a tad premature in that assessment – was nothing but a tiny preview of the hell to come, and of the abuse Mom and Buried and I were yet to face.

Now, a year later and a good three months into the real terrible deal, this post would probably make me laugh if I weren’t usually already crying.

I thought things were bad when I wrote this week’s Zombie Post, and today things are infinitely worse. And there’s no end in sight. Parenting FTW!

Original Post – Parent Abuse: Parenting’s Dirty Little Secret


Zombie Post: From the Mouths of (Those Without) Babes

3 May zombie, walking dead, resurrection, monsters, horror, kids, parenting, funny, dads

Yesterday, I wrote about the idiotic gulf that exists between people who have kids and people who don’t. There’s no reason we parents can’t get along with the childless; if I didn’t have childless friends, I’d never be able to escape my own kid!

But a year ago, I discussed the one thing in particular that some childless people do that is quite annoying for parents, and that’s when they offer suggestions on how to raise your kids. So for this week’s Zombie Post entry, I’ve resurrected that post (see link below).

It takes two to tango. If I didn’t have a son, I wouldn’t be on the receiving end of such unwanted advice. And if I had good taste in friends, I would have ditched the kind of person who offers unsolicited advice on topics they know nothing about long before I even had a kid. It’s not the not-having-kids that makes someone obnoxious, or the having-of-kids that makes someone bearable; to paraphrase Jay-Z: they were who they were before they got here.

And as much as I love my childless friends, and respect and even sometimes envy the child-free’s choice to not have kids, taking their parenting advice is where I draw the line. Not totally sure why someone who decided against having children would even want to get involved in raising any, but hey, to paraphrase Walt Whitman: we contain multitudes.

Original Post: Immaculate Suggestions: Taking Parenting Advice from the Childless

Zombie Post: Happy Easter

31 Mar fatherhood, toddler, hate my son

I couldn’t let Easter Sunday, the day Zombie Jesus arose from his grave!, go by without a zombie post. And, since one of those posts is merely a photo, you get two! It’s an Easter miracle!

The post with some actual content is two years old, and it’s all about a young girl’s attempt at befriending my then-infant son. She was visiting for Easter and wanted my then seven-month-old son to be her bestie forever. He mostly wanted to drool. So…good luck with that, kid.

And yet, somehow making friends with a brainless blob might be easier than making friends with the terror that my son has become at two.

Original Post: Baby Friendly

The second post I’ve resurrected – the aforementioned photo – is also two years old, but it’s adorableness is timeless.

Easter, babies, toddlers, parenting, funny, holidays, dads, fatherhood, parenting, family, religion

He gave up his dignity for Lent


Zombie Post: Gay Marriage Or Bust

26 Mar fatherhood, toddler, hate my son

Today, the same-sex marriage issue hits the Supreme Court.

Lately it seems that the tide has turned and that gay people may finally be granted the constitutional right to marry, but there are still – obviously – pockets of resistance everywhere you look, from Prop 8 in California to Amendment One in North Carolina.

From “The struggle to protect family values from homosexuality is starting to feel a bit lonely. In the last five years, eight states have extended marriage rights to same-sex couples. After years of winning ballot measure fights, gay-marriage opponents went 0-for-4 in November. Scores of Republican luminaries have signed a brief urging the Supreme Court to declare a constitutional right to marriage regardless of sexual orientation. And two weeks ago, for the first time, a sitting Republican senator, Rob Portman of Ohio, endorsed same-sex marriage. Behind these developments lurks an ominous trend: Gay marriage, once a fringe idea, is now backed by a majority or plurality in nearly every poll.”

Much of this was bolstered by President Obama’s public endorsement a little less than a year ago, and back then I wrote about what the President’s support might mean for the future of the country, and how it could affect my son as he grows up here.

As a show of support for same-sex marriage and equal rights everywhere, I’ve resurrected that original post below:

Original Post: What Does Obama’s Announcement Mean for My Son?

Zombie Post: Home Court Disadvantage

22 Mar

The last time March Madness rolled around, I had a full-time job. The job afforded me the flexibility to work from home one day a week, and on a day like today – the second day of the tournament – such a set-up seemed ideal.

Of course, working from home wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, as I was never able to be as helpful to my wife as she would have liked, just as my days as a stay-at-home dad aren’t spent boozing and watching sports. Except for when my kid naps.

You can read all about the double-sided sword that working from home proved to be in the post I’ve resurrected below. And I know half of you banged out sick today, so you have time.

Original Post: Home-work: Almost as Bad as Actual Homework

Zombie Post: No Church in the Child

14 Mar

There’s something funny about “resurrecting” a post about raising my son to believe in God. Amirite?

But with all this ridiculous Pope stuff in the news, I thought it made sense to revisit this old post, written only a few months after my kid was born. It’s about the conflict between my own disdain for religion and the feeling that some belief in one might be good for my son. At least until he figures things out for himself.

Anyway, Detective Munch is now halfway through his third year of life and he still hasn’t been baptized – much to my parents’ chagrin – so maybe this old post about that possibility is moot. Then again, St. Augustine didn’t become Christian until he was 32, so my kid still has time, provided Jesus or Xenu or Jobe from The Lawnmower Man doesn’t come back and smite us all before then.

Read this post while you wait, maybe you disagree?

Original Post: I’m Not Religious But My Baby Son Is

Zombie Post: Welcome to the “Neighborhood”

8 Mar fatherhood, toddler, hate my son

Mom and Buried showed the kid an old “Mr. Rogers” episode the other day. To my surprise, he sat in rapt attention for the entirety of the the episode. He can’t get enough of it! He’s constantly asking to hear “the neighbor song.”

We try not to let him watch too much TV, but he definitely sees some and Mr. Rogers seems like a pretty healthy option. It’s amazing to me that it holds his attention as much as it does, especially when his other favorites are hyperkinetic shows like “Yo Gabba Gabba”, more basic animated stuff like “Curious George”, or the inexplicably popular – and British! – “Thomas the Tank Engine.” But it’s a good thing. Mr. Rogers seems like a decent enough role model.

He’s definitely a better influence than the other adults that appear most frequently on my TV, as illustrated in the old post I’ve resurrected below (even if he does have questionable fashion sense.) It seemed appropriate to bring this one back today, as two of the characters mentioned within (Don Draper and King Joffrey) are returning to TV this month and Jesse Pinkman’s final season isn’t far behind.

God knows my kid won’t be watching any of those shows anytime soon, so “Mr. Rogers” it is.

Original Post: I Learned It By Watching Someone Else!

But if they ever make this sitcom version of “Breaking Bad,” it looks like something my son and I could watch together.

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