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Tag Archives: children

Big Sad Voodoo Daddy

1 Jun astrology, horoscopes, bullshit, toddlers, parenting, superstition, dads, moms, fatherhood, children, family, lifestyle

I don’t consider myself the superstitious type. I occasionally knock some wood and usually try to say “rabbit rabbit” at the start of every month, but that’s about it.

Of course, that was before I became a dad.

These days I might as well be Shirley Maclaine for all the bullshit I find myself believing. There’s just NO WAY a filthy anarchist monkey like Curious George gets invited to that many parties, but I just keep playing along.

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The Real Reason Parents are Always So Tired

28 May parenting, tired, beach, vacation, exhaustion, memorial day, sand, toddlers, dads, moms, stress, kids, children, family, life, energy, zazzle, vacation

You often hear the phrase “I need a vacation from my vacation.”

I try not to use cliches, but after just a few days at the beach, I need a vacation from my vacation.

Unfortunately, I have a kid. So I’ll never get one.

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Iden-daddy Crisis

22 May identity crisis, identity, parenting, fatherhood, personality, kids, toddlers, dads, moms, motherhood

On Twitter, it is possible to create lists into which you can group and categorize the people you follow. As I’ve grown my presence there, I’ve seen myself added to more and more lists (you get notified when it happens).

Yesterday, I was added to one that was simply called “parents.”

And it made me a little sad.

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The Agony of the Teeth

20 May brush teeth, toddlers, parenting, hygiene, living, family, moms, dads, kids, dentist, rules, learning, motherhood, fatherhood

Everyone hates going to the dentist.

These days, my two-year-old’s bedtime routine is making me hate BEING the dentist.

I didn’t realize that teaching my kid how to be a normal person would be such hard work.

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It’s Not Me, It’s You

15 May blame, personal responsibility, terrible twos, parenting, toddlers, kids children, discipline, fatherhood, motherhood, fault, punishment, society, living, life, dads, moms, children

Everybody has that one friend for whom they’re constantly making excuses.

“He’s not normally like this” or “He’s cool once you get to know him” or “He’s got a weird sense of humor.”

After a while, though, it starts to become apparent that despite your friendship, that’s an awful lot of caveats. Maybe it’s time for the guy to start taking some of the blame for his own behavior.

Lately, that’s how I feel about my son.

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A Letter to My Son Regarding Mother’s Day

10 May Happy Mother's Day, holidays, Mother's Day, moms, motherhood, dads, fatherhood, parenting, toddlers, terrible twos, discipline, brunch, Sunday, funny, family, humor, life, living

Dear Detective Munch,

It’s time to start pulling your weight.

Don’t worry; I’m not going to make you get a job. You’re only two and a half! The whole talking thing is still new to you (though you have screaming down pat, unfortunately), never mind following orders. Besides, there are laws that prevent it. But at two years old there are some things you can – nay, must – do, and celebrating Mother’s Day is one of them.

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Scrimping and Caving

29 Apr

A few weeks back, after abandoning potty training due to the onset of trauma, Mom and Buried and I took a quick run to Target.

While there, we decided to buy some off-brand diapers to get us through the next few weeks, enough time for Detective Munch to emerge from his PTSD (Potty Traumatic Stress Disorder) and get back on the potty train.

The cheapo diapers turned out to not be the best idea, as they were cheapo for a reason: they leaked worse than Julian Assange.

Which got me thinking. Maybe I shouldn’t shortchange my son.

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