Tag Archives: Parenthood

Big Sad Voodoo Daddy

1 Jun astrology, horoscopes, bullshit, toddlers, parenting, superstition, dads, moms, fatherhood, children, family, lifestyle

I don’t consider myself the superstitious type. I occasionally knock some wood and usually try to say “rabbit rabbit” at the start of every month, but that’s about it.

Of course, that was before I became a dad.

These days I might as well be Shirley Maclaine for all the bullshit I find myself believing. There’s just NO WAY a filthy anarchist monkey like Curious George gets invited to that many parties, but I just keep playing along.

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Me Toddler. You Jane.

31 May Simpsons, toddler leash, toddlers, leash, parenting, kids, fatherhood, discipline, behavior, family, home, TV

Children don’t understand decorum.

They don’t know that society has rules. That society demands you behave in a certain way in certain places. It’s called being civilized.

Children are not civilized. My two-year-old might as well be a rabid animal most of the time.

Getting him to behave the way one is supposed to behave is impossible.

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The Dishonest Toddler

26 Apr Henry Rollins, Liar, Black Flag, toddlers, parenting, fatherhood, life, morality, development, learning, potty training, Elf, moms, dads, kids, teenagers, honesty, the honest toddler

The other day, I was awakened by my son yelling from his crib. This is not unusual. I would say this happens every day. Every. Single. Day. But this day was a little bit different. Because instead of merely calling for mommy or daddy, he was screaming, “I got poop in my butt!”

That doesn’t happen every day, neither the yelling of it nor the reality of it. People don’t normally shit in their sleep, not even little kids. So it was a bit strange that he had.

Except he hadn’t: he was lying.

And so it begins.

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Bath Faults

30 Nov

The last time I wrote about my son’s penis, I ignited a firestorm in the comments.

Seriously. The two most controversial posts I’ve written have been about circumcision and My Little Pony. Both drew tons of angry readers. Not sure what the connection is.

This one isn’t about anything nearly as controversial as men who like cartoons that are made for little girls, but it does involve my son being naked. I also threw Return of the Jedi into it. So maybe the Bronies and the anti-circumcision crowd can find some common ground when I talk about…

BATH TIME!

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He Speaks Jive

28 Nov

“Little kids are sponges.”

You hear it all the time, and it’s true. My son’s vocabulary increases every day, and most of what he’s learning he gets right from Mom and Dad, such as his first “curse” word, the relatively innocuous “dammit!” Needless to say, we’ve had to become a lot more careful about the words we use. It’s a bit of a pain.

But there’s a flip side to that coin. Sure, he parrots a lot of stuff we don’t even realize we’ve said around him, or don’t necessarily want him to be saying, but we can also train him to provide some entertainment. For example…

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The “Kindness” of Southerners

20 Nov

I’ve been here almost two weeks now, and as I prepare for my first official Thanksgiving as a North Carolinian, I’ve decided that even if I can’t be expected to totally embrace my new surroundings, I can at least do my best to help my son acclimate.

After all, there are certainly some lessons he could learn from his fellow (gulp) Southerners.

Like their kindness. Or at least their courtesy.

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Moving Day: Hell On Earth

9 Nov

We have arrived down south, but are stuff hasn’t. THat gets here today, which means I’ll be in moving hell all afternoon.

This is part FOUR – yes, FOUR – of the never-ending move and I am going to go insane.

Before I do, here’s a quick video to lighten the mood around here. You may never hear from me again, but at least you can get cheap razors.

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